I’ve had to give up my studies for this semester. I did well for the first nine weeks but I couldn’t cope after that. My depression and anxiety came back in a bad way and made it impossible for me to study. I’m really disappointed with myself. My parents were upset too but they’re being supportive overall.
What can I say? It’s been six years since I’ve left high school and I haven’t achieved anything in my life. I haven’t got my degree. I don’t have a job. I don’t really have friends any more. Things are pretty grim at the moment. I’m trying to stay positive. All my friends have moved on and are doing things with their lives. It makes me sad that I’ve been left behind. I do feel like a failure. I could blame it all on my personal problems, but I know that a lot of it is due to my lack of self discipline and motivation.
I guess if I compare myself to other people I’ll never be happy. I keep telling myself that it’s okay to take a bit longer to get on the right track. Everyone does things at their own pace. So I’m a bit delayed. That’s okay. Maybe I don’t measure up in terms of conventional success. But I don’t want my worth as a person to be tied to my marks or my job. I won’t be happy if I do that.
I’m a person, that’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. I hope I get somewhere in life. I hope I find something that makes me happy. Hope isn’t enough, though. You need a plan and hard work and determination. Those are not things that come easily to me.
My parents would say that I make a good Australian. I don’t put pressure on myself. I don’t push myself to achieve. I relax, take it easy and take life as it comes. But hey, is that such a bad thing? We can’t all be neurosurgeons, right?